When you can’t sleep?

What do you do when you can’t sleep?  It drives me nuts when I can’t sleep.  This morning I got up at 4:30 am.  I normally just pretend like I’m sleeping, but this time I decided to write.  I love to write and I need to collect all of the stuff I’ve put together and I’m sure I’d have a few books.  They’d be pretty comical.

This morning I was in rare form.  Raw.

The first book I need to come out with probably needs to be about weight.  It’ll be for women and men and whoever has struggled with being a fattie.

The next book will be about singleism.  Being single.  Not a how-to just a book about it.

After that, I’ll put out a book about dating and how you should learn about yourself while you’re laughing at yourself.

Do you ever wonder if the painful moments are meant to produce something in you?  I think it all of the time.  When I’m in pain or unable to sleep, I think that it’s a portal to create.  I need to take advantage of it more, but I’m still so immature that I can’t get with that system.  I want to feeeel like writing and reading and creating.  Hah!

No, really sometimes I feel like it, but 4:30 am isn’t typically that time.

So in the meantime I count sheep, when I can’t sleep.  I pray and read the bible sometimes.  I try not to get frustrated, but most of the time I just want to sleep.

Soon, I’ll grow up and learn to turn my frown upside down.

Vision

Last week I ventured off to my mother’s time share.  It’s about 45 minutes away, but we all know that 45 minutes can feel like you’re on another planet and for a little bit this did. Not because it looked so different, but because I turned off the phone and settled into the Fox River Resort.  By the looks of it, it’s an older resort and I wouldn’t necessarily give it 4 stars…not even two, but it served it’s purpose as a mini-respite for me for a day and half so that I could get my act together.

I snuck away because I needed to rethink my vision for Ukraine and I needed to pull together a regimented schedule of sorts and I needed to lay out my itinerary for the next 8 weeks.

Two weeks ago, I was in Orlando and I had the privilege of meeting several pastors, pastors’ wives,  ministers and missionaries and there are a few meetings that I had in particular that were pivotal and catalyzing.  The first meeting touched on vision, my vision for Ukraine.  Before the meeting my vision was to go to Ukraine, disciple some up and coming leaders, encourage them to connect to and minister within their communities through Christ about obviously debilitating societal ideology that continues to hinder their spiritual mobility as a nation, for example the over dependence upon state-run orphanages, drug-abuse, corruption, etc.   By the time I got up from the table, that statement didn’t quite have the ring to it, that it had had prior to this meeting.  I was challenged very deeply  to reassess and delve a little deeper into what this decision to go to Ukraine means to me and essentially to the world.  

What’s the national impact, the regional impact, the global impact?  What do you see in 5 years?  10 years?  20 years?  What do you see?  What’s the concrete evidence?  Who will be affected?

In another meeting later on that afternoon, I was challenged even more to share vision, my vision. I haven’t been sharing vision.  I’ve been sharing the need and tiny details that paint a picture, be it grim or hopeful, but I haven’t been sharing vision.   I realize why it’s important and why visionaries are so intriguing.  It’s because vision is full-blown faith.  It’s got swag with it.  It’s birthed in the confidence that we should have in the King.  Now, I have confidence in the King, but I also have a lot invested in my own interests and this is where a decision needs to be made.  (I’ll address this a paragraph or two down.)

I think that I’ve always been a visionary , but in my own mind. One of my strengths is ideation.  I can rattle off ideas in my sleep about anything and everything, but that’s for my own entertainment and not the for the entertainment of others.  For me casting vision is difficult, because it requires me to be sure and honestly, I’m not sure about anything.  It’s some sort of game I play to get out of the responsibility of life.  I don’t like the box that being sure requires me to live in, but the next question is, “is being sure living in the box or outside of it?”  (This is another issue to be dealt with another day.)

Anyway, I say all that to say, I was challenged to sharpen that vision and to hone in on the big picture and honestly it’s been a struggle.

The struggle is more so in that I have had to stretch my faith in order to conceive the vision.  Vision goes beyond stats and demographics and the obvious, but it requires one to use their sanctified imagination coupled with possibility and the extraordinary hand of God wrapped around it to see what’s possible for the future and in this case the future of the gospel.

My approach so far has been that of lowly missionary, as I at times struggle to make sense of my journey. I want to dream big and imagine the possibilities, but that requires me to abandon everything I know and believe about how my life should be.  To live is Christ and to die is gain.  Really this life in Christ is about death isn’t it?  It’s about the cross and the sacrifice and I think of Romans 12:1 where it says, I beseech you therefore brethren by the mercies of God to present yourselves as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.  Living sacrificially is a life that requires us to die by faith…again and again.

So as my vision expands, I die more.  As I research the need for the gospel in Eastern Europe and I envision God’s hand using and impacting young adults in Christ, I swell with tears for so many reasons…a few listed:   1.  I’ve been chosen to witness God’s merciful hand slathered with lovingkindness.  2.  There’s been an open invitation for me to go and impact the world with the gospel.  3.  I’m afraid of the unknown.  4.  I’m joyful because of the cross and the King.

It’s all a bit overwhelming, but it’s possible.  It’s possible to connect yourself to the vision of the King.  You know, that vision about the gospel being preached to every nation and every tribe and every tongue.  It’s a huge vision and we wee beings mesh ourselves with it and the tiny details.

Before those conversations, I never fully allowed myself to imagine the possibilities nor the impact that missions for me in Ukraine might have globally, after all I’m just a lowly missionary chick from the rural burbs, but I now realize that there’s strength in vision because it helps people unite around a cause.  I need more than my faith to get this thing rolling.  It’s a collective effort that requires faith and action on behalf of many.

I’m encouraged by this challenge.  I’m scared, but I’m encouraged.

What’s your vision?  What are you afraid to envision?

The Wall

So it’s September folks and I can’t believe it.  This summer has been full of adventure, as I crossed the nation back and forth in my 1989 Honda Civic Station Wagon.  Pictures forthcoming.  I found my feet in Alaska, Seattle, Denver, Maryland, Washington D.C., Orlando, Illinois and the states that I drove through in between, Pennsylvania, Indiana and Ohio….and by the way, I did not drive to Alaska in case you’re wondering.

It’s been a great!  I’ve met lots of new people and made connections with new church partners.  The gauntlet has been thrown down a few times, as I’ve been challenged to “step my game up”  and get it together.  I’m trying.  I really am trying.

Well, I got back from Orlando August 25th and the day before I left I got sick, and it scared me because it was not just a regular sniffle.  My voice was gravelly and my throat was in pain.  I thought to myself uh-oh here we go.  This is real.  I took some over-the counter medicine, but that was a joke in the face of this rascal, so I went to the minute clinic at CVS and got some antibiotics and eye drops so that this unknown intruder would be annihilated.

Well little did I know that it would make me drowsy and tired.  I think that my immune system was weakened by all of the traveling, the hit or miss sleep and all of that good stuff.

I just really hit a wall.  

While I was in Florida. I met with a young pastor to share about the ministry and he asked me some of challenging questions.  Those questions have had me thinking since then about my vision for Ukraine, my vision period.  My mind has been stirring since then about my approach to fundraising and the way that my meddle is being tested…and make no mistake it is being tested.

This is a very difficult task that I’ve undertaken.  Partnership building is not for the squeamish or the faint of heart.  You have to be creative as you call on the Creator of the universe.  You have to keep your perspective as you approach churches and they turn you away.  You have to understand when people simply don’t understand their part in advancing the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Some are sent and some send.  You have to be driven and you have to drive.  It’s tough.

So I have to get over this wall that I’ve hit.  It’s a wall of discouragement and fear and insecurity and it demands my full attention.  It’s horrible and it’s making me feel insignificant and powerless and defeated.  It makes me want to give up, but I’m not.

I’m going to God.

I’m going to pray and seek His face.

I’m going to linger in His presence until I come up refreshed, refocused and refined.

and when I get back…

I’m back at this thing I’m doing that some shake their heads at and others nod their heads at and I move ahead with Godspeed, because I can’t let the wall stop me.  It hasn’t before, so it can’t now either.

Pray for me.

I AM LOVED

So this is going to be quick.

I AM LOVED!

I was in the car driving back from Tampa to Ocoee after sharing with a church there.  I met some new friends and I heard a good word and I was just overwhelmed with the day and with the journey that I am on right now.  Everyday is full of surprises.  It’s like God is in heaven and He’s showering me with this special attention as He orders my steps from Coast to Coast.  It’s crazy.  I’m overwhelmed.  If His love were water, I’d drown in it.

The only thing I could think about on my way home is the fact that I am loved deeply by a King that loves deeply.  We aren’t always able to receive the love, but when we do it’s overwhelming.

Honestly, I can’t imagine anyone being able to love me the way that God does.

Unconditional

Attentive

Forgiving

Love never fails.

Love is long suffering,
love is kind,
it is not jealous,
love does not boast,
it is not inflated.

It is not discourteous,
it is not selfish,
it is not irritable,
it does not enumerate the evil.
It does not rejoice over the wrong, but rejoices in the truth

It covers all things,
it has faith for all things,
it hopes in all things,
it endures in all things.

Love never falls in ruins;

1 Cor. 13 ( I snatched this from a website…don’t know the version)

SLEEP

When I was younger, I took sleep for granted and I want to apologize to it now, for ever doubting my need to indulge in cat naps, snoozes, slumber parties and anything else that involves me being so deep into dream land that I grab the nearest shoe and think that it s the phone.

I don’t know why I don’t seem to sleep the way that I used to be able to, and that bothers me.  I don’t think that it is because I’m worried.  It couldn’t be the overwhelming excitement that I have about the next day.  My life is exciting, but not on the weekdays…lol!  When I lay my head down on the pillow at night, my expectation is that I won’t wait up for 8 hours…every time unless of course, I have an appointment that says other wise.  I like sleep and I need it right now.

But you see that’s the problem.  I don’t want to sleep right now.  I want to do my work, but I am so sleepy that I can’t do my work effectively.  My next option is to skip to the ice cream shop and get a cone, but the only thing that that will actually is do is elevate my serotonin and sugar levels temporarily and then they’ll come crashing down…and I’ll be back in this place all over again…irritated and sleepy.

I think that I’ll go take a nap now and rise in an hour or so…that I might take on the tasks of the day.

I just want to sleep the way I did when I was little…without a care in the world.

ALASKA

Well it’s been a while since, I’ve been able to post.  I have draft after draft, but my schedule has been so packed that I haven’t had time to follow through with the editing, etc.

Well my latest adventure was in ALASKA.  Some girlfriends and I went on a cruise through the inner passage and I must say that it is a beautiful place.  The landscape is stunning and the scenery absolutely majestic.

This was my first cruise and I must say that I don’t think cruising is or me yet, maybe when I hit 60ish, it’ll suit me just fine.  We had brief stays in several ports, Juneau, Skagway, Ketchikan and Vancouver B.C.  As soon as you hit the docks, the main streets are riddled with vendors opened from the time we pull-in to the time we pull-out.  Not my cup of tea.  It’s hard to know the true culture of a town when you feel like you’ve just arrived at Disney World with 4,000 other passengers from competing cruise lines in towns whose populations range from 800-30,000.  I don’t know maybe it;s just me.

Well if you know me, then you know, I wandered off of the beaten path and into the parts of town that people may not have made it to due to scheduling.  In Juneau, I went to a used book store and had a chit-chat with the owner, while his little girl better known as the book monster attacked with tickling fingers and I was ordered to attack back.  The proprietor referred to himself as a book pimp and coerced me into buying C.S. Lewis’ Four Loves.  This was the one of the highlights of my trip.

Earlier that day, I went to Mendenhall Glacier.  It was amazing.  I took plenty of pictures and I will certainly attach them as soon as I find the port I need to down/upload all of my pics to the computer and then to the sight.  We went to a salmon hatchery and then to a salmon bake and had a good time.

Our next stop was in SKAGWAY.  We rented a Jeep Wrangler and joined a caravan that lead us through Canada and to the border of the YUKON territory.  This one of the most beautiful places, I’ve ever been.  It was barren and almost untouched with the exception of the road that we were driving on and the train tracks that weaved throughout.  Pictures do it no justice.

Our guide, Ron, was a great servant as he told little stories over the C.B. and gave us info at each scenic stop.  He comes to Alaska in the summer and lives in Florida in the winter…must be rough.

On Wednesday, we cruised through Glacier Bay National Park.  I got up at 6:00 am.  It was chilly and gray, but I wanted to see some critters and I did.  Sea Lions were swimming, puffins were bobbing up and down, and sea otters were frolicking.  It was so cool.  We saw a beautiful glacier calving (breaking off).  It was beautiful.  My fellow cruisers roared with excitement as we witnessed it together.  It was one of those things that you just had to be there to understand.

The next day we ended up in Ketchikan for a few hours.  We went straight to a diner off of the tourist track.  The only women in there were the waitresses.  Apparently the men outnumber the women 20 to 1.  Alaskan husband anybody???  LOL!!!  Anyway, the food was delish and very hearty.  Speaking of heartiness, I need to lose weight I just read an article about pear-shaped women having poorer memories than the apples. That’s why I can’t remember anything. (Sorry just thought I’d throw that in there.)  Vacation is over…no more hearty meals for me please.  To my dismay we were only in Ketchikan for a short amount of time, so we went to look at totem poles, and came back to town for 90 minutes and had to hop back on our floating hotel.

The last stop was in Vancouver B.C.  I loved this place.  The girls went on a chocolate, cheese and wine tour, so I was left to my own devices.  I must say that it was my kind of town.  It was very artsy and busy.  The social scene was bumping.  The climate is fabulous.  Our shuttle driver said that it’s a city for the newlywed and almost dead, as it is filled with retirees and the young adventuresome types.  I loved it.

Well on Saturday, we pulled back into port in Seattle and hopped on our perspective flights.  I’m back home now.  My hope is to rest today.  We’ll see how that works out, but I’m really just chomping at the bit right now, ready to get back to work.

I really did have a good time on this trip.  I was with two “old” friends and one new friend.  We sat together and talked and prayed and laughed and played scrabble and pretended to be English during meals.  We had an absolute ball.

So grateful to have gotten away with friends in the midst of preparing for my journey to Ukraine.  I needed a break and some time to get in God’s presence.  Being with my friends was very filling and I am grateful.

A Closet Worrier

Now I don’t consider myself to be a worry wart at all, but I think sometimes I’m in denial, and it’s because I don’t worry the way that other people do. When I think of someone who worries, I think of people who wring their hands and complain and say things like, “How are we going to get there?”  ”Oh, we’ll never get there.”  ”We’re not going to make it!”  ”What if it rains all day?”  Mind you the event is a month away.  I just don’t worry like that.

I’m also not the person who worries so much that they control crowds. I knew teachers who went on field trips, had chaperones at least running at a 1:4 ratio and they still kept the class of 30 together.  So 38 people were moving from exhibit to exhibit.  How fun…glazed smile.  Yeah right?!?!

How about a waste of my time, money and energy.  If chaperones joined my trip, they were going to chaperone. As a matter of fact, you’d be lucky to see me with a group.  A field trip is an easy day.  I deal with your little special sweet delicious darlings all day, all week, all month, all school year, and today is my chance to chillax.  Comprende?  So in other words crowd control is not my thing either…not with children and definitely not with adults.  I trusted my fifth graders to meet me at the rally point…need I say anything else.

I just don’t consider myself to be a worrier, because I don’t do it in front of other people. I’m not way uptight.  Definitely not a control freak.  Some would probably say I’m too relaxed…most of my uptight friends would, especially.  It’s not that I’m all that relaxed all of the time, but I know that me acting like a nut to stop the possible inevitables…a blaring oxymoron…is a waste of the little bit of energy I have. My shoo shoo thought on that is:  TRUST GOD. Please and thank you, because this chick does not have time…at all!

Now, you’d think, I’d take my own advice and trust God, but like the song says, “The freaks come out at night!”

That’s when I worry.  It’s at night. As soon as my head hits the pillow, my brain kicks up 50 notches. I hear music playing.  I’m making plans for the next day.  I feel everything that may or may not be wrong with my body.  Paranoia about cooties kicks in…it’s ridiculous.  There’s literally a planning meeting in my head while I should be…say it with me now…SSSSSLEEEEEEEEPING…zzzz.

This barrage of thoughts is not something I enjoy.  Let’s be clear.  As a matter of fact, it drives me nuts. Nutty buddy nutttts.  It keeps me from getting a good night’s sleep.  When you don’t sleep right, you don’t function well in the morning.  Take it from a recovering insomniac.  For years, I wasn’t sleeping well at all and it was killing me.  My anxiety levels were so high, that even sleeping pills wouldn’t take this cow down.  That season was horrible.

So, periodically I go back to that place.  I don’t sleep.  No, I’m not a hand wringer, but I am a planner and a recovering people pleaser. A lot of my worrying seems to focus more on people and what they are thinking about me.  Wanting to be either understood or left alone.  That’s what keeps me from resting.  Wanting to give a professional impression, which I probably could do if I’d stop thinking about it.  Sometimes, I get so worked up, that I can’t think straight.  It’s almost like I’m intimidated by my past.  It’s not the present state that gets my hands to wringing.  It’s my past, that caused me to shift into this zone years ago.  That’s another topic for another day.

I think not sleeping drives me nuts, because for me it’s an indicator that I’m neglecting the truth about who I am and whose I am. Who I am, is a Christian.  I believe in Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit.  Bam!  Now so do a lot of people.  Some don’t.  Okay.  Well I do.  Because I do, there are certain little nuggets of truth that guide my life and bring me balance.  A few of those nuggets talk about rest.  Others talk about God working on my behalf when I’m….SSSSSSSLEEEEEEPING.

Here they are below:

Matthew 11:29
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.

Hebrews 4:10
For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His.

Psalm 37:7
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.

Psalm 131:2
Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;Like a weaned child rests against his mother,My soul is like a weaned child within me.

Little nuggets about rest.  I don’t think that reading them is always what makes them automatically work, but knowing them always pulls you towards the truth.  The truth is that the God of the universe wants His children to rest.  Just like you want the children you love to rest.  Knowing that helps me.  So when I want to get upset and start kicking and screaming about not resting, I know that it’s not God’s fault.  I then have to figure out how to change my practices.

Well last night, I rested.  I feel refreshed and ready to tackle the day.  I don’t feel scattered and in a tizzy. I’m going to do the best I can today.  It won’t be perfect, but it will be filled with effort…lots of effort.  My energy won’t be spent, making people happy, but it will be spent making God happy and that makes me happy too.

Take Aways:

In order to rest well at night, you have to rest well in your soul during the day.  Do the best you can.  Don’t worry about others and what they think.  Keep them out of your head.  Trust yourself to get your assignments done.  Trust God’s truth about the love He has for you!

Cheers!

Tags: people pleasing, Rest, worry

Let’s Clear the Air

Every now and then, the air needs to be cleared.  There’s a smelly build up that happens when conflict takes place.  It smells like death and dying.  The death of trust and intimacy.  The dying off of dreams, because we are consumed by our pain and we often can’t find a way out of it.  So we wait, and we want it to get better and it doesn’t and it won’t until someone steps in with the courage it takes to clear the air.  *Side note* I think that the build up is especially worse when it happens between someone who should know better and someone who thinks that the other should know better like bosses and employees, pastors and congregants, parents and children, mayors and citizens.

Yesterday, I had a difficult conversation with someone close to me. Difficult conversations and confrontation aren’t the most fun, but as I get older I’m learning that they’re necessary.  There’s a lot to be said about clearing the air.

For most of my life the air around me has been pretty funky! Filled with the sent of bitterness and the lingering odor of resent.  And you know what happens when the heat gets turned up?  The smell gets worse.

Each heart knows its own bitterness,and no one else can fully share its joy. Proverbs 14:10

What I don’t understand is why we let it get worse?! What is it with us and rejection and anger and dysfunction that we’d rather fester in misery and pain, than be made whole and to heal.  When we can’t take the pain, we cover it up with compulsive behaviors and addiction.  It kills us and the cycle repeats itself from generation to generation, because someone lacks the courage to make a change.

In my case, I don’t think I do lack the courage anymore.  I’ve been hurt too much or maybe just enough. Courage is one of those weapons that we shrug at, when we have to use it.  It’s a pain , but we need it.  There’s a huge part of my heart that finds healing important and necessary to be fulfilled in this life.  Healing takes courage.  The one thing I do know is that courage is about character and it’s something that comes from God and with the grace of God.

Through the years, my courageousness has become more evident, as I’ve had to war over my family and friends in prayer.  Now it may not be evident to all, but I know it’s part in my life.  I’ve seen the whiles and schemes of the rulers of darkness consume those closest to me with depression, low self-esteem, insecurity, suicidal thoughts, bad relationships, addiction and more.  To be honest it drives me nuts.  I mean, can’t we just all get along?

What drives me nuts is that we seem to be and often are helpless, and we often exchange the truth for lies…Lies about ourselves and who we are or better yet, who we aren’t.  Isn’t that crazy?!  Crazy, but so true.  Most of our problems come from the fact that we don’t know who we are.  No clue.  We don’t know that we are loved by the KING of the universe who sent His loving son Jesus to die for us.  We don’t believe that the gift of eternal life He offers is free.  We don’t have to do anything…no special prayers, no Sunday go-to meetings, no religious penance…nothing.  We just accept Him and His love, but we don’t know that HE simply loves us.

It’s simple love. When you don’t know this, you float along and search for life in places where only death abides.  There is no life and those places are hard.

Today, I’m thankful for coming out of those dark places. The only way I’ve been able to come out is through the truth that is found in the bible.  Some people joke it off and dismiss it  Maybe because they’re afraid of its power.  Others think that it’s full of and for zany cultist whackos.  It isn’t.

My life wouldn’t be the same had I not known the word of God, for example this proverb that says The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.  No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Love is patient and kind and hopes all things and believes all things.  And the list goes on and on.

That conversation I had last night was necessary and because of it I’ve begun to realize the profound effect Jesus has had on my life. Had I not known Him, that conversation would never have taken place.  Had it not taken place, I would have stayed nestled away in the hateful arms of bitterness and resent, regret and rage.  Hearing from God would be continuously hampered and my life would continue to be a mess…a hot mess.

There’s a wisdom that comes from fearing the Lord.  There’s an understanding that is overwhelming.  With  His truth, I’m anchored and focused.  My vantage point is different and my willingness to meet God everywhere is greater.

How about you?  Do you need to clear the air with someone you love?  Do you need to snip away the strings of bitterness that have tethered your heart for way too long?  If so, just do it.  It’ll hurt a little, but then healing will occur and you’ll be better for it, and so will those around you.

Stop and Smell the Peonies

At 5:45 am (CST) my alarm went off.  The sun was up and I was feeling a little frisky, probably because my body’s clock is on EST instead local time.  So, I hopped up, got dressed for the gym and proceeded to make my way outdoors for some early morning chit-chat with the Lord, before going to Inwood to sweat my life away.

As I stumbled towards the backyard of my childhood home, I realized that there is still a great deal of evidence left that eludes to the fact that a gardener once lived here.  That gardener would be my father, Bobby Parker.  I miss this guy ridiculously and sometimes more than other times.  There are light pink and fuschia peonies growing, one yellow iris still remains from this years bunch and the hostas are exploding from the ground.  Gorgeous!  Dad would be beaming with pride and laying mulch at the same time.

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I was younger I didn’t have a great appreciation for flowers and plants.  I knew that they were gorgeous, but getting down on the ground and putting them in the ground and watering them and pruning them wasn’t my forte.  Both my father and my grandmothers tended their gardens daily, as a matter of fact, my Grammaw Cannie still gets out there when she’s able and toils with the earth.  When you visit here, there are always fresh cut flowers in the house.  All three of them had a fondness for their gardens.  Now, I understand why.

Something is happening to me.  My appetite for life is changing.  My senses are becoming more acute and I have a greater desire to use them and respond to them more often in a positive life-bringing way.  For years, I’ve been under the hypnosis of television and media, as many of us are.  I’ve seen life through the lenses of others in Hi-Def, I might mention.  Something about the media drives me nuts now.  Wait, I take that back.  EVERYTHING about the media drives me nuts!  I can’t stand it!

Well Natasha, tell us how you really feel.  

I can’t stand that we’ve been persuaded to stay inside where it’s safe and comfortable or better yet, controllable.  It’s predictable.  You don’t have to put in any work.  None.  The only work you put in is convincing yourself that you don’t have the resources or the creativity to do the same thing, convincing yourself that you don’t have the skill or the time.  It’s as if these people are telling us that we’re inadequate and that they can do it better.  So just sit back and watch the experts.  We’ve been given a false bill of goods.   Enjoy life from the comfort of your home. It’s like the movie SURROGATES (which wasn’t very good I must say)  where people sent a robotic representation of themselves into public and they stayed inside, protected from the events, catastrophes and possibilities that fill life.

We watch Victory Gardens and the Better Homes and Gardens Channel looking for inspiration of some sorts. The Food Network runs 24 hours a day as cooks prepare deliciously appetizing foods. Like they just know, I get so excited to see other people eating Emeril’s Gumbo or Martha Stewart’s Butter Cookies.  Yeah right.

When did we lose sight of what’s real and what isn’t?  When did we stop going outside?  When did the boob tube become such a key part of our lives and why?  Why, when we have real life at our finger tips do we  choose to fall for this crap?  (forgive me if your offended at my word choice)

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never thanked the Lord for TV, but when you think about the amount of time I’ve spent in front of it…

All I’m saying is get outside of your comfort/control zone and live a little…better yet live a lot.  Plant some flowers, have a cooking extravaganza with friends. You’ve been given one life and everything you need to live it.  So what in the world are you waiting for?

Tags: gardening, soapbox, television

Road Trip

Location: Ohio

Destination:  Illinois (Home)

ETA:  3 PM CST

This morning I find myself at a hotel in Ohio.  The night was fairly relaxing.  I’d say that I rested pretty well, which here of late seems to be hit or miss.  I’m not a huge sleeper, but I know the difference between basic sleep and the kind of sleep where you wake up and you’re ready to fly to the moon.  I prefer the latter.

Another 6.5-7 hours lie ahead of me on route 80 W.  People always ask me how I do it.  Road Warrior.  I don’t know…grace I’m thinking and the other thought is when I started I thought everybody did it.  Who doesn’t like a good road trip?   You get to inhale the sights and be away from the badgering of media business, professionals, etc.  I love it!

I love it, because it’s peaceful.  I get to hang out and talk to Jesus.  We hash it out.  I sing and sometimes swell the air with awe and wonder in Him.  My podcasts are runnin’ when music is not as appetizing.  And  for quite a bit of time, I listen to the sounds of the road.

Big trucks passing me by as I coast at the speed limit.  The wind blowing through the car and my rooftop is popping the whole way.  I’m praying it doesn’t pop off.  Periodically,  I see cows in a pasture and I get excited…I heart cows…I think they’re so maternal…and so much of what I love comes from them…cheese, butter, ice cream.  The air smells different in different states.  Mountainous air in PA and Eastern OH, the pine trees and the forest.  Western Ohio and IN offer the smell of livestock…yum.  When I was little and we drove through, I just remember the smell being violently disgusting, but now I love it.  It makes me appreciate a simple way of life that sustains the country.

There’s a presence on the road that I appreciate and I’m learning to not miss anything.  I’m learning to be present.  I try not to spend a lot of time daydreaming or fuming about the latest issue occupying my heart.  It’s a time for me to be grateful and to enjoy.

So I do.

Road trips are fairly fun, because they feel like journey and they really symbolize movement.  They’re tangible, especially when your little station wagon is packed to the hilt with all your worldly goods.  My life is changing.  I’m gaining a greater command of the process.  It’s no longer running on auto and it feels good.  God is guiding my steps, but I’m stepping so He actually has something to guide.

When’s your next road trip?  Whenever it is enjoy.  Stay present.  Get off the beaten path.  Stop at a national park.  Take the scenic route.  Make it romantic.  Stop in an antique shop or two and buy some pastries at a hometown bakery.  Enjoy!

Tags: cows, presence, road trip